Joe Kimmel - Air Guitar

• 28/8/82 (pallindrome!) Saddam Hussein Joseph Kimmel born to a ridiculously wealthy family in MA. Named after then-popular US ally
  
• 1986-Birth of brother Osama Michael Kimmel. Also named after then-popular US Ally.
  
• 1988-name shortened to Joseph Kimmel just to...um...avoid confusion.
  
• 1988-Joe gets a pony for christmas. He names it William F. "Buck"ley
  
• 1990-Pony dies of syphilis.
  
• 1992-Joe's ridiculously wealth family is hard-hit under the Clintons' new "Screw the ridiculously rich" tax plan. Poor little Joe is forced to enter the work force just so the family can pay their income tax.
  
• 1993-After failed careers as an hour-glass operator, tape-worm breader, and waste-paper basket, Joe lands a job writing material for Vanilla Ice. Meets lifelong friend Walker Evans.
  
• 1994-After the "republican revolution", Joe publishes his first book in support of the flat tax entitled, "I like my women like I like my coffee but I don't like my women like I like my taxes." Feminists are outraged. Republicans laugh a lot.
  
• 1995-Steel cage deathmatch with Betty Friedan (Draw). Publishes Second book, "Screw you, you dirty hippies"
  
• 1996-After conversion to Zen Buddhism, Joe publishes his 3rd book, "Bless you, my dirty hippie children."
• 1996-Forms bluegrass/hip-hop hybrid band, "Booty Twang" with Charleton Heston, Dan Quayle, and Evans.
  
• 1997-Brother Michael Kimmel murdered by British Mob. Stephen Hawking rumored to have ordered the hit. Case under investigation.
  
• 1998-Heston leaves band to pursue a solo career and take over the NRA. Thaddeus Van Der Molen replaces him. The Band achieves first #1 hit, "Put some more grass in my dust bowl bitch!".
  
• 2000-Dan Quayle leaves to start his own line of baked goods and run presidential campaign. No replacement found.
  
• 2000-Joe's two illegitimate children, Billy and Bobby Kimmel, aged 31 and 32, come forward and demand child support. Joe is forced to submit to their every request.
  
• 2001-Evans, Kimmel, and TJVM enroll at Oberlin. Band name changed to "Randy Coleslaw" and focus is changed to structured improvisation. The band opens for such stars as the holographic image of Iannis Xenakis and Danger Platypus.
  
• 2003-Evans and Kimmel journey to Mordor to destroy the One Ring.
  
• 2004-Together with the State of New Jersey, Evans and Kimmel form Florrid Porpise, the next hardcore band of the future!
  

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